Secret Website

Why the Private and Secret Websites

Note: when creating Book 1, I used the term ‘Private Website.’ The title ‘Secret Website’ appealed to me while working on Book 2. This slight inconsistency has the benefit that readers will always know which book I am referring to when mentioning the websites.
It was very important to me that the photos be near the stories they illustrate, as opposed to having to refer the reader to different pages for pictures. The brunt of this work fell on my typesetter (and editor) David Perry, who went above and beyond to help make my dreams for my memoir a reality.
After most of the layout and typesetting was done, I discovered some photos that I really wanted to include, but which would have required extensive changes to the layout. My solution was the Private (Book 1) and Secret (Book 2) Websites to house the additional photos. Putting these photos on the web also kept the cost of the books down since no additional pages were needed.
I also love the idea of creating a treasure hunt experience for my readers.

How the Gallery Came to Be

It wasn’t until we ran our first high quality paper and ink proof of the book (which is ideal for better photos) that we realized two additional issues. First, the cost of printing Book 1 with high quality ink and paper would have meant that I needed to sell the paperback for almost $50.00! Since the hardcover costs close to that, I decided to use high quality paper and ink only for the hardcover and keep the cost of the paper back as low as possible (but not using the pulpy paper of really cheap paperbacks — the photos would have been awful on that). I was so disappointed! So I came up with the idea of creating an on-line Gallery of every photo in the book. Here readers of the paperbacks can see larger, high-quality versions of the pictures that interest them.

How Winging It Came to Be Two Books

Second, our first trial printing showed that I was not going to be able to put all the stories that were originally in Books 1 and 2 into one volume. Fortunately, the story line lent itself nicely to the division into two volumes. Two books of about 300 pages with only 100 photos each are infinitely easier to handle than a 600 page tome with 200 photos. Furthermore, Amazon limits standard color paperbacks to 600 pages, so with the split books there was no danger of exceeding that limit. (Cost to readers who purchase both Books 1 and 2 is about the same as it would be a single larger one.) I was grateful then for the invention of the Private and Secret Websites as receptacles for the stories I had to remove from the print books.

Philippines

Here is a picture of an actual Jeepney. This one was taken by Marlise (which is why it is not in the book itself, I did not receive it until after the manuscript had been turned into a book to be printed).It’s such a shame that cell phones had not yet been invented because I know I would have taken many more photos. So I don’t have any of the really outlandishly decorated Jeepneys.

The jeepney above is actually quite tame according to my Philippine virtual assistant, Alex. We have worked together now for several years and It has been fun for us to work on Winging It together because parts of the book take place in her country. Alex has even traveled to some of the same islands I went to in the Philippines (here is picture of Alex attempting from memory to match my pose from the white island off of Camiguin). She is a real person who lives in the Philippines, but we work together on my projects over zoom. Well according to Alex, folks don’t decorate their Jeepneys any more! So for her even seeing this photo was interesting.

This was all that was available to tourists when I first visited Camiguin. Now I have heard that there is even a professional dive shop there.

Here is a shot I took from the little C shaped white island that Eric and I would row out to everyday to study the undersea life in the coral here. You really get an idea of the size of the volcano , and the distance to shore from here.

Japan Again

When I left Tokyo with Eric the first time, I had no idea that the trip would end our relationship – but it had. I did not know how to be comfortable (feel safe) with someone who resorted to violence when they were angry. The way I saw it we all got angry, but not all of us strike out at living flesh when we are angry. The fact that Eric did so – was not something I was prepared to accept. Yes he was delightfully solicitious of my feeling after wards (something that was also confusing especially combined with the violence). But inside my heart had formed the resolve to get my own place when we retured to a country where I felt safe enough to be on my own – and Tokyo was such a place … Our plan was to get 2 rooms again at the pit – and I would see how long it took until the desire to be free of him, was stronger than my anxiety of being alone – out here – so far from home….

Arriving at the Koenji train station, I was rewarded with the first landmark I recognized- and although it was still a 14 hr flight from home – I felt safer, and more relaxed than I had in 6 months.

Before I post the next set of photos I want to explain the layout of what we foreigners called the Pit. It consisted of two long rectangular wooden buildings . They were both 2 stories and sat next to each other with a courtyard between them. For those of you familiar with book One you may recall the photos from Erics and my room viewing the laundry hanging from a line set against a nother building. That was how close they were to each other.

This is the entrance to that courtyard from the street. I actually am not sure I ever used this entrance. I always used the fire escape (you can see those on page ___________________ in Book Two

This is the front of the building I always lived in. The back wall that you can see at the end of the hall is actually a break in the rooms opposite each other off the hallway. Behind that wall with the poster is one of the two half baths that we had on our floor. And opposite it (further to the left) is the kitchen, which I show you in Book 1.

Sticking her head out of one of the rooms you can see Malise. I met marlise on this leg of the journey and recently got back intouch with her (trying to locate folks from a trip made 40 years ago has been difficult, so I was really happy to locate her.

We have Marlise to thank for these photos of the Pit. I never thought to document the outside of the building, and seeing these photos now – I can understand why. I think I may have been in denial as to how bad it actually was! (Ignore it and it will go away!seems to have been my operating principal here.) It makes sense that I did not want to document its condition. Would you want to send those pictures home to your mom? I can just see the letter now …

Hey Mom,

You don’t have to worry about me at all. Im doing great, take a look at the luxury lodgings I secured!

I am not sure how reassuring that would have been for the mother of an only daughter who left home for Asia at 19….

Here is a picture of the left most side of the building on the left. As you can see, it is on a corner, and it is built almost to the street.

I am not sure where this picture was taken, So I am guessing it was a stairway to the second floor of the second building. I rarely visited the lower floors (except for the burnt out room which travelers stored cool things they found in the trash, that they did not have room for in their 6×9’ rooms -things like like heaters in the summer etc). That was the room I entered once in the summer and immediately had 200 fleas jump on my bare legs (story from Book One).

Here is a picture from the roof of the courtyard between the right hand building (which was the only one I lived in both times I was in Tokyo) and the left hand building.

An Onsento (referred to as sento ) is a local public bath house.

It never occurred to me that any modern nation would not have full bath rooms in their homes or appartments. On one hand it makes sense, Tokyo spralls and buildings for living in, that were created before the introduction of much indoor plumbing, might not find space to install a full bathroom (especially in a country where livable land is in demand. It also makes sense from a Feng Shui perspective. In Feng Shui bathrooms are considered a drain on the families resources and so they need to be placed carefully, something that would be very hard to do enmasse years after miles of buildings with tiny rooms were already constructed. So for what ever the actual reasons, we had to travel here to bathe (Unless of course one wanted to pull an Anna! (In Book one I describe encountering Anna , a statuesque blond of runway model proportions, standing in the shared kitchen, in front of the sink, stark naked, giving herself a sponge bath! That had been a lot for my American sensibilities!

A group of us posing on the float …

One thing I can tell you is that Getting modeling gigs like this one was fun because there were so many girls involved, and even more so because Marlise, Karola and I got to hang out at home and on the way to work and practice. Usually I was completely by myself, except for the two previous chances I got to work with Ancelikh my first stay in Tokyo (I’m referring to the Brazill Fest the year before with tons of publicity and media coverage – attended by over 100,000 people! As well as a 50’s theme corporate party for a week – be sure to read those stories in Wining It book 1)– funny thing is – after I reconnected with Ancelikh recently (after decades of having lost touch) she confided in me that she could not dance! It is a testament to our commitment to make money that we were willing to attempt almost anything…. Each of us had our own barometer of what that looked like. I know for myself traveling so far from home in foreign countries really did give me a chance to discover my boundaries – beyond the ones that were set upon me culturally. I suppose I also have my mother to thank for that.

Apparently Marlise brought her camera with her on the float, so she was able to get more intimate photos than Eric was on the street. Just as with the rest of the pictures that Marlise sent to me in the last year, these were not ones I had ever seen, and after 40 plus years – it was really exciting to have the opportunity to deepen the visual experience of moments we shared together by adding here photos here.

After 40-some-odd years, I regret to tell you that I no longer recall our dance routine. So whether what I am doing here is part of the routine or something I was improvising, I have no idea – but Marlise caught this shot – I do not remember if this was staged or coincidental – but it looks like I am taking a big lungful of the smoke from his pipe (on purpose!) lol.

I can assure you that was not what was going on. The smoke from that pipe was not pleasant smelling, and I certainly did not hope to get high from it. But on jobs, whether it was modeling, performing or hostessing at night clubs – we girls always had to look like we were having the time of our lives, no matter how we were actually feeling.

Here we are taking a break from our continuous dance routine in the full sun of a hot Tokyo summer day. I believe I was drinking a can of Pocari Sweat. I know – the name leaves something to be desired! But it was supposed to be an electrolyte drink like we have Gator aid here.

I believe we were heading to the Kirin Beer Float gig. Eric tagged along with us to take pictures. I cringe every time I see those huge sunglasses of mine from back then. They were prescription and they were already several years old. I actually left them in the public shower on one of the islands and they were stolen. Can you imagine having to make the rest of the trip – not just dyslexic, but half blind? I am not even sure that I even understood how much harder that made things, after all, what choice did I have? It never occurred to me to get my eyes examined over there to get a new pair. Oh well. On a side note the skirt I am wearing was made by my mother for herself decades prior to my absconding with it for my trip.

Photos of Lia & Jan auditioning for an “Adam & Eve” commercial.

A few weeks before I left for NY, Jan and I got an audition together. It was for a commercial that they titled Adam & Eve. If I ever knew what the product actually was – I do not recall. Im sure I would have known a lot more if we had gotten the gig. But alas we did not. So all I have now are photos from the audition.

All of my plans to return to the states had been made, and a part of me was SO excited to be going home! And yet – things with Jan were so new – and thoughts of him filled my days with out my ability to stop it. Still I had the wedding to attend and Matt, Mom and Sheeba to see, as well as Dee Dee, I was already committed, but I was so torn about leaving.

My packing for the return to Ny did not focus on my comfort at all. I had Kimonos , textiles from Tokyo, some of the cacao drops from the Philippines, as well as the hand made wooden tool used to create that beloved morning drink (I miss that cacao first thing in the morning.!) as well as the large heavy ceramic pot from the earlier photo. Back in those days you paid for your flight, and you brought what ever luggage you wanted. There were no weight limits, so what I could carry home, became the cheapest way to get it home.

Here I am with my backpack bursting at the seams. You can see how much it’s costing my small frame to be supporting that pack! To my left is Jan. He was managing my day pack until we said goodbye at the train station. Marlise joined us to see me off and a good thing she did or I would not have had these photos!
Leaving Jan was one of the hardest things I had ever done.

Homeward Bound -New York

Back in the days before cell phones, most people didn’t take a lot of photos at home. You might take photos of birthday parties or holidays, celebrations like weddings, graduations, etc., but we certainly were not in the habit of doing selfies. We didn’t photograph our pets that much.
I am very thankful that I have three photos of Bonnie and Sheba playing. Sheba, of course, was my dog of unknown origins, (we had rescued her from the pound.) My mother was surprised at my choice the day we picked her out. She was sure I was going to go for one of the fluffy golden retriever pups a couple of stalls down. But there was something about Sheeba, she sat down a few feet from the door and looked at me quietly. Perhaps it was the healer in me? Because we got her on a Saturday, and by Monday Sheeba was, well, sick as a dog. She couldn’t keep food in one way or the other –could barely stand and she had thick mucus coming out of her nose and eyes. When the vet walked in to the examination room from across the room he made his diagnosis. “That’s a distemper pup, put her down”. He explained to us that we could nurse her along for several months and then come down stairs one morning to find she had died. He said the odds were not good. But honestly with just the 2 days we had had with her already – we did not want to give up on her.
Every day after school I would cook her different meats (in an attempt to get her to eat) and then I would sit with her and do my home work. Because she was so sick , we kept her in the bathroom to make it easier to clean up her accidents –which she had quite often. So that meant I spent over 2 months on the bathroom floor with her. Ground beef was the food that interested her most , so even after she made a full recovery neither my mom nor I could ask her to give that up. So for the rest of Sheeba’s life we fed her freshly cooked hamburger meat with some rice. Sheeba lived to between 14 & 16.
Up until this relationship with bonnie bloomed – I would have said Sheeba was a husky and perhaps a Belgian Melinois shepherd cross. Mom always said Sheeba was a good communicator – . She would sit and look at the front door when she needed to go out – and mom would “feel” it and go check. Sure enough there would be Sheeba silent as a mouse just waiting. She also was a silent attacker – something I had never encountered in a dog. If she was after you, you would not know it until she was literally in mid leap – launched directly at you. Matt actually experienced that once (but I will get to him in a moment.
But the way Sheeba & Bonnie played together made me feel that they shared a cellular memory – So since Bonnie was a pure bread Collie – perhaps Sheeba had some Collie in her too.The way they played together was like nothing I’ve seen up to that point or since. Sheba was a very active dog, but whenever Bonnie would come over, they would lay down together. As a matter of fact, in this first picture, you can see Bonnie asking Sheba to lay down with her paw on Sheeba’s shoulder. Just look at the sweetness and the love in her face! They would lay heads close to each other but not touching, and they would , and they would play very gently with their mouths and their paws. Their favorite place was this patch of pachysandra in the backyard of my mother’s and stepfather’s house. That was where they were for the other 2 shots.
One of the oddest parts of this play was the songs that they sang to each other in high pitched voices. Honestly it reminded me more of whale song than anything I had ever heard from dogs. It was such a special relationship. And I felt truly honored to not just witness it, but to get to steep in the energy of their love and play. It is something I will never forget.

Ah! The bittersweet pain of missing family during holidays. Being home for Thanks Giving was almost like a dream. Even my step sister Kathy flew in from Minnesota to see me (and eat turkey). For my mother it must have been such a relief to have me home. As for me, I had not had access to a proper kitchen in a long time, and spending time preparing food with my mom and Kathy was very special indeed. First of all I had not had any of this food for over a year, no turkey, no apple pie, no pumpkin pie – no double baked potatoes with Roquefort cheese (oh sooo good!) or my mothers turkey gravy or her homemade cranberry orange relish ! Even the pre packaged Pilsbury dough flakey biscuits, were making me drool as their smell filled the kitchen. Baked goods were not readily available in the places zi had lived, so I was really looking forward to this celebration and feast.
Here is a picture of my mom with her beautiful turkey. I never remember mom over cooking a turkey!
Here is one of Kathey and her 2 irish soda breads. Kathy was a real baker (among MANY other talents). I contributed the 2 pumpkin pies and we created the lemon meringue pie Kathy is holding together.
The final picture is of the family gathered around the table in Larchmont that thanksgiving.

This was the woman that I had thought Jan was in love with. They spent a lot of time together. She and I had had some kind of falling out prior to Jan arriving, and so it was uncomfortable for me to ask her if they were together. (I would never try to date another woman’s man – so despite how attracted I was to him, I had not pursued him until I had this conversation with her). I was so elated when she said they were only friends! Also please note the ceramic tea pot in front of her on the floor. That is the tea pot that went directly on the flame of the burner on a stove. Because of it’s distance to the camera, it looks much smaller than it actually was. It was about double the size of a standard tea pot. When Karen left – she gave it to me. I carried it home with me as a gift for my friend Joanne’s wedding. Which I would be leaving for soon…

Its so funny, have you ever heard the idea that relationships don’t change? Well that certainly seems to be the case for Jan and I. I am writing this from hindsight – so looking back I can see how painful the relationship with Jan was for me. If you read his first letter to me (above or below) – you will see that Jan realized this too. He knew that he was hurting me by hiding his feelings for me… He actually says so on page 2 where he talks about being too stupid and afraid to tell me – because the feelings felt so big. He mentions the stupidity and fear again on pg three and the top of 5 as well. On page 2 and 5 he talks about when he saw me the night of the party (and I write about that extensively in book 2) He saw that I was sad, that I was giving up on us (which does support my feeling seen by him like I had never felt with anyone before). He actually thanks me for sticking it out and trying so hard. He also said that that night when he came to my room looking for a match – and I told him I was leaving soon, he said that he felt a huge pain in his body at that moment – and he had to tell me how he felt – finally. At the bottom of page 5 he tells me that he loves me and that he never felt this word before…
And all of this is so promising … until our very first night back together (just hours after I arrived from a 14 plus hour flight – I guess Jan’s fears grew in my absence… and he just never could find his way back out to actually meet me in the beautiful ways he describes here.
But I want to touch on something else in this letter, 2 things actually. On page one Jan says that “because of the special way I feel about you my little special darling, it’s completely ridiculous that I would have sex with anyone besides you….. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt myself. Cause it would be pain when I have sex with another woman while there is my darling in Larchmont who I love so much!
And yet…
He has sex with another woman- and doesn’t even appologise – instead saying “I did not have feelings for her so it doesn’t count.”
And my intentionally no having sex with someone who I did have feelings for – was wrong. I was the one who broke his trust…???
Traveling halfway around the world to be with a man ( as you know, from my accounts in Wining It Book 2 ) took so much for me to achieve (on many levels) – being told on the first night that he had sex and then taking us out to hang out with Kai… was – really a shock to my system…
Reading Jans letters again, now – makes me see that a lot of this really seems to stem from his fears.
What a shame….
The second is his asking me to bring a Walkman and tapes (did you notice? It’s on the last page, in the last paragraph. I had not remembered that he had written that. But I will never forget how bad he made me feel for buying 2 headsets. The Walkman had two earphone jacks. Why then did he give me such a hard time about buying the Walkman with 2 headsets so we could both listen? Of course he loved them when he finally started using his set – incidentally we were both listening as we watched the sunset in the final picture of us on page …..in book 2.
I just didn’t understand what happened to him. What happened to the man who wrote those letters? It was not who I met in the Philippines. – In his letters he said he wanted to plan our life together. And when we were together all he did, basically, was push me away… I still find it confusing at my age now! At 21 – I was dumbstruck and heartbroken all at once-which obviously left me at a severe disadvantage – on top of being very isolated by the language thing – which Jan had said in his first letter that he wanted to get much better at English – not that he wanted to only spend time with Germans -and not include me in conversations!
UGH! And men say women are confusing!
Jan wrote me almost a letter a week over those 2 months we were apart. They all led me to believe I was walking into a very different scenario than the one I found myself facing after flying halfway around the world to be with him….
At least now, I hear and see so much more in his letters than I was able to back then. I hear very clearly that this did not fail because of some lack on my part. Jan thanks me for being strong enough and sure enough of how I felt about him to stick with trying to connect – even though he knew he was intentionally shutting me out. He talks about his fear being so strong that it became pain in his body. I did not understand psychology back then – I did not know that our two months apart might push him back into the arms of that fear … or that he might not be able to come back from there ….
All I saw was my own perceived rejection (an all too familiar specter in my life), and after the relationship I had had with Eric – following it up with this – was almost more thn I could bear. I was feeling pretty beat up both inside and out. So I did the only thing I knew how to do- which was blame myself (as you know – you went through the trip with me – you will also remember that both men also tried to make it my fault, and both asked me to be the one who compromised…).
Now things would be very different. But that is the grace of time and growth.
Bringing this full circle: No – I do not believe that relationships change much – and this one was no exception. I started my relationship with Jan being elusive, afraid and pushing me away – and that is how we finished it too.